Tragedy Turned Into Realization

I believe the search for the mean of life is never ending. There is always more I want to know about what the meaning of life is. For most people, there seems to be one instance when they have an "Ah-Ha" moment and everything starts making sense. Some of these moments are tragic and it really makes the person sit back and look at their life in the bigger picture.

This moment happened to me my freshman year of college. I had just moved out and started a new chapter of my life. I went home for Thanksgiving break thinking this was going to be a relaxing weekend to see my family and friends.

I received a call from a frantic friend at eleven o'clock at night stating our friend had been a in serious car accident and was being med-flighted to Boston, he didn't make it through the flight.

I live in a very small town so this loss hit everyone especially hard. We spent nights upon nights grieving with each other at the crash site and at our close friend's house. Five years later, the thought of this still upsets me.

There is not much I can say I took away from this tragedy but I did realize a lot. Life seemed so superficial until this tragedy happened and it definitely lowered me back to reality. I realized that me, nor any of my friends or family, were invincible to tragedies. You start taking the little things for granted and paying closer attention to the people you love and the things you love doing. Throughout this tragedy, I realized that the meaning of life is not to have a nice house, nice clothes or a lot of money, but to be happy.

Jessica Spurrell

How an "Accident" Helped Me Find More Meaning by Jennifer Stone

When I was nineteen, something happened to me which made me see the world in a different way.  Up until then, I had never really faced any challenges in my life.   I had good health, I did well in school and I had great friends and family.  In fact, I was with a group of friends when it happened.  We got into a car accident.  Three of my girlfriends and I were on our way to UNH to visit another friend on her birthday.  It was snowing out and the roads were slippery.  We got lost and ended up on a small two lane highway, bickering about which way to go.  I remember looking up and seeing a white car fishtail toward us and then start to spin around and lose control.  It hit us and pushed us backward into a ditch.  I was in the passenger seat and our car was so crushed that the glove compartment was almost in my lap.  I looked down and saw that my leg was broken, no x-ray needed.  

They had to use the jaws of life to get the other girls out of the backseat, but luckily no one's injuries were life threatening.  Everyone had huge scrapes on their chests from the seatbelts.  The EMTs said the seatbelts saved our lives.  Once at the hospital, I was expecting to get put in a florescent colored cast and sent on my way home, but they told me the break was too clean to mend properly without some extra measures.  I had a choice.  They could either put me in a cast that went all the way up to my thigh for six months or they could do surgery to put a rod into the bone and I would only be on crutches for a month.  They said if I chose not to do the surgery, there would be no guarantee that my leg would heal properly and I might end up having it anyway.  I chose the surgery.

Once I got home from the hospital, I was in more pain than I had ever experienced in my life.  I spent a lot of time watching the clock so that I could take my next pain pill. It was depressing just to wake up in the morning and know that I had to spend the next 16 hours lying awake and hurting.  Even after the pain subsided a little and I was able to get around on my crutches, everything was a challenge.  All I wanted was home cooked food, but I couldn’t cook because I needed crutches to stand and they occupied my hands.  Going up and down the stairs at school felt like a death defying feat amongst all the other students rushing to get around me.  I had to get rides everywhere because I couldn’t drive.  I hated having to be dependent on others.

I remember the day the doctor gave me a walking cast and told me I could stop using crutches as one of the happiest days of my life.  It was a sunny spring day and I remember sitting outside on the steps of my house and appreciating the progress I had made. Even though it still hurt, I walked all around the house that day just because I could.  As the months went by, I still had lingering pain in my leg and I walked with a limp.  I met my future husband during this time and I remember trying so desperately to walk through the pain so that he didn’t know I had a limp.  I was so thankful that it wasn’t a permanent condition.

I spent a lot of time wondering why this had happened to me.  I used to think about it every day.  I had a limp for almost a year so it was something that was always with me.  The experience made me a much more introspective person.  I wanted to know what it was I was supposed to learn from this life lesson.  Looking back on it twelve years later, I think that it made me appreciate the plights of others.  I now feel sympathy for handicapped people who go through life facing what I only had to experience for a short amount of time.  I learned that people are out there everyday, facing challenges that I might not even be able to imagine. Being able to walk away from this experience relatively unscathed has convinced me that I have a real purpose in this world, which is why my life was spared when it could so easily have been taken.  It made me appreciate the blessings that I have been given in this life and which I used to take for granted.  Even though it was both physically and emotionally painful for me, I wouldn’t change it because it made me a better person.

Spiritual Places

When I think of Spirtual experiences, I think of places that make me feel at peace, places that are beautiful and wonderous in themselves.  Pictures of places I have been that I think of as spiritual: 
         Acadia National Park is a place I enjoy walking and biking, Dixville Peak Mountain is a place I enjoy snowmobiling and Assisi, Italy is a place I went that made me feel I was above the clouds.

posted by, Christine Deyo

Dealing with a Family Illness by Jess Wilson

About 4 years ago my dad delivered the news that my grandmother was diagnosed with Dementia. Prior to learning about my grandmother I had beliefs, but did not practice them as much as I felt that I should. After finding out about my grandmother I found myself turning to the internet for words of wisdom to help with coping. More often than not I would end up on a site with scripture to help with specific life situations, feelings and emotions. This is one of the sites I have grown to love over the years: http://scripturemenu.com/

2 years later we found out that my other grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers. At this point in my life I was finding it harder to deal with my emotions by just reading passages off the internet, so I started attending sunday services again. Being in the church reminded me of all the sunday mornings I had spent with my grandmother in church. My family not be the most religious, never took me to church so my grandmother took it upon herself to take my brother and I, along with our cousin. I remember always getting excited to go to her church and listen to her sing the hymns. In this instance, being in a place that holds memories is what has helped me deal with the illness of a family member; however, my belief that they will be okay after they pass is also something that has helped me deal.

As of today both of my grandmothers are still alive, but both illnesses have taken over the individual that I had loved. Neither of my grandmothers remember who I am, and are far from who they use to be. For me it is easier to think that the people I grew up with have passed away awhile ago, but their memories live on.

My Sign Posts

These are the thirteen core beliefs that I choose as sign posts along the path I am seeking in my life. I find them very comforting. Many people think "Mormons" are very different from everyone else and many times think we aren't even Christian... I think the sooner we learn that no one question is wrong and no one answer is right for everyone, the sooner we can learn to live together in harmony. What do you think?

13 Articles of Faith

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1.We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
2.We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.
3.We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
4.We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
5.We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.
6.We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
7.We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
8.We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
9.We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
10.We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
11.We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
12.We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
13.We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul-We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

We have questions that need answers and Answers that need questions. Here’s a list of question we have asked. Are there any responses that you can of?

1. Find a personal picture or song (on the web or in your own collection) that inspires your beliefs, spirituality or religion and put into words [as best as you can] what, why and how you are inspired.
2. What do the words RELIGION, FAITH, SPIRITUALITY represent to you and do you think everyone "needs" to have any of these to be happy, well adjusted contributing member of society?.
3. Most cultures support the tradition that spirituality and wisdom increase with age - do you agree or disagree. State why and post [if you can find] a culture, religion or other on the web that correlates with your thought process.
4. On a personal level as you aged did you sway from your original [taught] belief system? Do you believe this change was due to different adversities, life changes you coped with or was it something less severe such as aging?
5. Research up to two different faiths/spiritualism/belief systems [other than your current one] - Give the websites used in this research and if you had to choose or wanted to choose a different path which of these would make most sense to you and why?
6. Find and post a website with information about the God gene.

7. What are some old myths or fairy tales that depict older people as being wise or having special powers?
8. Can you explain some of the main differences between Spirituality and Religion?
9. Kohlberg’s stages of moral development is a widely accepted notion and is described in his famous “Heinz Dilemma”. Can you think of another widely known moral dilemma that is depicted in a story?

Back to Basics

I believed in God, because that is what I was told to do.

I still believe in a higher being, but not necessarily God

It’s in my genetics to trust in Nature

At an early age we are taught, especially in a catholic home to believe in God; church was an every other week “if we can make it” adventure; the whole ritual of it just never felt right, or for that matter believable. My mother did her due diligence and enrolled me in ¹CCD [at the very strong request of my Mémé]. None of CCD education made sense to me either how could ONE being have so much power? Was Jesus ever a boy and I KNOW how babies are made so why are they telling me this woman, Mary, is a virgin? That was just some of the questions that I asked and summarily got me kicked out of the program and asked not to return. Well, needless to say my mother was livid and my Mémé extremely disappointed.

After several hugs, and attempts at consoling me my father figured life would go on and I would stop asking the questions that had marred our already whispered name in the church. He was wrong. I really wanted those answers and for years along with trying to find them I was talking and asking “God” for help.

My childhood was less than happy, I had a bi-polar closet alcoholic mother, enough said. Even though I had doubts about the existence of God I would still pray because I had faith in “something” but I wasn’t sure what it was. I would pray everyday for help, for a new mom, for my mom to get help, amongst other things. No answer. Then I started to pray every other day because I figured “God” was busy helping others. My prayers became every third day because I am sure “God” was working to defeat world hunger [I had seen a Feed the Children commercial and was horrified]. Still no answer. I truly felt abandoned by what I was taught “God” does for his flock and I fell into despair, life was miserable and no one or thing could help, not even prayer.

Soon after my despair became disappointment we (an older brother and younger sister) were whisked away by child services to be placed in foster homes. It was scary and all too new for kids being under thumb their entire lives; the transition counseling was a joke and all we relied on one another for laughter and support. I began to pray again, what else was an 11 year old girl to do? I pray and asked forgiveness for not praying, I prayed for my siblings, I prayed for my parents and it was answered in a small way, my Aunt Sue (on my father’s side) had made contact and at the time she was a devout catholic. She was able to ease my worry that God might be mad at me for not praying and assured me that God would see things through for us. Sadly this short burst of inspiration and consolation came to a screeching halt when child services separated me and my sister from my older brother.

I gave up praying. I gave up believing.

Until, one day while trampling the pine cones and rotted wood of the forest behind our newest foster home I came upon a bunch of trees that had fallen over a huge rock to make a rustic shelter, which at that time was affectionately known as the “Cove”. It was at this time my love of nature blossomed. Every time the wind would howl I would consider it a song, the winds whistle would be a warning and when it would swirl the leaves from the ground I considered it a magical gift. The sun rising and setting made complete sense as to why all living things wake and sleep. Why the hunters were mostly boy animals and the moms were most girl animals. Why the lion eats the coyote that eats the hedgehog that eats the bugs made complete and utter sense.

My awe of nature was turning into an obsession I had to learn more about.

At this age, 11, I loved to read. Reading was television to me. I was familiar with the library of the school and the librarian and I became a close pair (as far as learning goes). Because of my fascination with nature the librarian would have several books for me to choose from to check out.

It occurred to me at some point that maybe I wasn’t the only person to think and feel the way I do about nature and what it all means. Soon I started to learn about the different ²ancient cultures of the world and how they saw nature, what I learned has stayed with me to this day

Before I could go further in to my adventures of how different cultures viewed certain events in their daily lives – we once again were moved out by child services, but this time back home.

Once back home I had so many more questions about what I had read and seen in the books I checked out from the library. My father would listen to me for hours on end describing my journeys through some of my favorite books I borrowed, mostly of which were about the Celts and Druids. He would laugh and say “I understand”.

On a great spring morning, my Dad decided to tell me a little bit about his side of family history. He went into great detail about some of our ancestors and where they came from and, more importantly, their beliefs and heritage. I was in constant awe, he never wavered or second guessed anything he told me it was as if he had rehearsed this speech over and over just waiting for it to be passed on to me.

The values and beliefs that I hold true were held by those who lived hundreds of years before me; and I am gifted to carry on the legends and blessings of my ancestors to pass on to those who look up to me {should their time come}.

Turns out my tree hugging, incent burning and homeopathic ways are directly descendent from my ancestors of Sweden. My belief system was also predispositioned because of my patriarchal family history in Sweden’s unknown ³Celtic nations.

To this day, I believe my belief in what nature has to offer in terms of history, medicine and life & death (to name a few) has given me a greater understanding and patience to learn about and from the world and people around me.

¹ http://www.ollparish.info/ccd.aspx

² http://wandertheglobe.com/ancient/

³ http://www.celticattic.com/contact_us/the_celts/druids.htm

The Johari Experience

Here is the "Johari" or positive breakdown of me:

Arena (known to self and others) dependable, helpful, knowledgeable, self-conscious, wise	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, caring, clever, complex, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, idealistic, intelligent, kind, loving, mature, observant, organised, patient, proud, reflective, religious, responsive, self-assertive, silly, spontaneous, tense, trustworthy, witty
Façade (known only to self) sympathetic	Unknown (known to nobody) calm, cheerful, confident, dignified, independent, ingenious, introverted, logical, modest, nervous, powerful, quiet, relaxed, searching, sensible, sentimental, shy, warm

All Percentages

able (31%) accepting (6%) adaptable (12%) bold (37%) brave (43%) calm (0%) caring (37%) cheerful (0%) clever (12%) complex (25%) confident (0%) dependable (18%) dignified (0%) energetic (6%) extroverted (12%) friendly (25%) giving (18%) happy (6%) helpful (18%) idealistic (6%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (37%) introverted (0%) kind (6%) knowledgeable (18%) logical (0%) loving (31%) mature (12%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (6%) organised (6%) patient (6%) powerful (0%) proud (6%) quiet (0%) reflective (6%) relaxed (0%) religious (6%) responsive (6%) searching (0%) self-assertive (12%) self-conscious (12%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (18%) spontaneous (12%) sympathetic (0%) tense (6%) trustworthy (6%) warm (0%) wise (18%) witty (12%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 21.2.2011, using data from 16 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view jessichka's full data.

The Negative traits a person has are equally important. Therefore, I ran the same test using only negative traits. It was very interesting how many people did not want to give me negative feedback. These results don't have the as many participants but, they seem as valid as a the Johari is.

Arena (known to self and others) inflexible, insecure, lethargic, distant, impatient, overdramatic	Blind Spot (known only to others) intolerant, timid, simple, unhappy, cynical, brash, imperceptive, chaotic, embarrassed, loud, insensitive, predictable, inattentive, foolish
Façade (known only to self)	Unknown (known to nobody) incompetent, cowardly, violent, aloof, glum, stupid, irresponsible, vulgar, withdrawn, hostile, selfish, unhelpful, needy, unimaginative, inane, cruel, ignorant, irrational, childish, boastful, blasé, weak, vacuous, panicky, unethical, self-satisfied, passive, smug, rash, dispassionate, dull, callous, unreliable, cold, humourless

Dominant Traits

60% of people think that jessichka is loud

All Percentages

incompetent (0%) intolerant (40%) inflexible (40%) timid (20%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (0%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (20%) insecure (40%) irresponsible (0%) vulgar (0%) lethargic (20%) withdrawn (0%) hostile (0%) selfish (0%) unhappy (20%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (40%) needy (0%) unimaginative (0%) inane (0%) brash (20%) cruel (0%) ignorant (0%) irrational (0%) distant (20%) childish (0%) boastful (0%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (20%) chaotic (40%) impatient (20%) weak (0%) embarrassed (20%) loud (60%) vacuous (0%) panicky (0%) unethical (0%) insensitive (20%) self-satisfied (0%) passive (0%) smug (0%) rash (0%) dispassionate (0%) overdramatic (40%) dull (0%) predictable (40%) callous (0%) inattentive (20%) unreliable (0%) cold (0%) foolish (20%) humourless (0%)

Created by the Nohari Window on 21.2.2011, using data from 5 respondents.
You can make your own Nohari Window, or view jessichka's full data.

Want to try for yourself? Click the links below and give it a whirl. For a little more fun, post the links to your friends on your favorite social networing site and see who your online friends think you are!
Johari:
http://kevan.org/johari
Nohari:
http://kevan.org/nohari

Conflict of Moral Reasoning

As a child, I was raised by many people including, my mother, my uncle, foster parents and group home supervisors.  I did not attend church nor was taught any religion.  My curiosity of spirituality and religion came when I found out I was pregnant at 18 years old.  The father of my child grew up in a strict Catholic home and his family was disappointed in the fact that we were not married but I was pregnant.  My family and friends thought I should have an abortion because I recently graduated high school and had many emotional issues, obviously not ready to raise a child.  My significant other felt we should get married and raise our child.

            This is when a conflict of moral reasoning entered my life, what was the right or wrong decision to make?  I knew I did not want to have an abortion but knew I did not want my child to have a childhood similar to my own.  I did not want to get married because I was pregnant but was willing to give our family a chance.  My lifestyle of parties and friends changed to researching how to become a good parent, finding a full time job and finding a home for my new family. 

            My significant other helped me to learn about religion and what the Bible meant to his family.  I attended night classes at a local college and took classes on early childhood development and human development.  I met with a family counselor to help cope with the stress and pain of my past.  All these things were done because I felt I was no longer responsible for just myself, I was now responsible for another life. 

            I eventually married my daughter’s father, got a degree in education and became a teacher.  I learned to enjoy life and to see the positive side to everything.  I believe things happen for a reason, I became pregnant at 18 years old so I could make a difference.  I know people do not always agree with my decisions because of their own religious or moral beliefs, but I learned to trust my own heart and feelings and take one day at a time.

            I truly feel my pregnancy saved my life, bringing hope and happiness, two things I never felt as a child.  My daughter is now a talented, caring, wonderful 19 year old, who still brings the same joy to my life she did when she was born.

   Post by, Christine Deyo